


Fragile Maelstrom

by Eligrl77



Category: Marrissey - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-08 13:38:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4307139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eligrl77/pseuds/Eligrl77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Companion piece to to Wretched Angel. Same story from Johnny's pov.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fragile Maelstrom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shocked_into_shame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shocked_into_shame/gifts), [and all of the Marrissey writers out there](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=and+all+of+the+Marrissey+writers+out+there).



> None of it is true but I sure as heck wish it was!

I didn’t know what to expect walking into Café Noir to see Moz. I couldn’t even remember the last words I said to him. I am pretty sure I cursed at him, most likely. I had felt bad already, leaving my band behind and seeing them dissolve. I was slightly jealous of Moz’s solo career taking off, though I’d never admit it. I reminded myself time and time again I did this to save my marriage. To save myself from the impending doom I felt awaited me. I was exhausted from our partnership. We became people we hated being around. I knew it would be a terrible shock for Moz. This group had given him a reason to live, keep going and I was betraying him.  
As my wife and I settled down into a new phase of our life with children, I would find myself up at odd hours of the night. I’d catch one of Moz’s music videos playing. Seeing November Spawned a Monster was an eye opening experience. What the heck was he doing? This confidant man dancing around by himself was not something I had witnessed before. It was like he had gained a reluctant confidence within himself. In my own way, I was horribly proud of him.  
Of course that dimmed once the legalities came out of the woodwork. It soured whatever could be deemed reconciliation for a long time. Everything became second hand person and lawyer between us. We were both so pained to take each other to court, to have people argue over things we never would have imagined. This sure wasn’t 1982 anymore and I think we both wished time had stopped for us then.  
It was now 1994 and for a brief time, it did. I don’t know who convinced the other to start speaking again. We never actually did stop speaking about each other. We had always unconsciously asked how the other was doing. Painfully aware of the others existence. Moz would never admit it, but I think he missed me around. The truth was, so did I.  
Chrissie Hyde told Moz to meet me for dinner. She would it would do the both of us good. As we were both friends of hers, we agreed tentatively. Here I was back with him, as if nothing had happened. I didn’t expect to be greeted so warmly and neither did he. It was less like seeing a former coworker and more like seeing an old friend.  
We talked endlessly about our careers and lives. The wine recommended to us added the liveliness to it. It was fun to see Moz relaxed, happy again. Almost vulnerable in a way he wasn’t to the rest of the world. The wine helped calm both of whatever nerves we had coming in. It was a shock to us when we found out the restaurant was closing for the night. Had we really been here for four hours straight? It didn’t seem like enough.  
I however was feeling the effects of our drinking. My vision was a bit fuzzed and I could barely stand up straight. I felt almost terrified to move, until he put his arm around my waist. I felt his warmth and energy around me. It allowed me to be able to get into his car. I suddenly felt such a craving for his touch. This would never happen during the duration of our time together. What was it about tonight? I had been drunk so many times and had never felt this need for Moz.  
I started telling him things I hadn’t told anyone. How neglected I felt by my loving wife. How I hadn’t made love it seemed like years. I started threading my hands through his hair. I forgot how soft his hair was. Was he getting as turned on as I was? He listened quietly to my raving and ranting. He was always so good about those things.  
He had to help me out of the car and into his flat. I kept apologizing for having to bring me here. I knew there was no way Angie would want to see this me like this. Moz seemed to agree, as she knew how she could be sometimes. He stayed with me to make sure I would be okay. All I wanted to do was touch him. The idea of letting him go again terrified me.  
He grabbed my wrist and asked if I was aware of what I was doing. I told him he had seen me in much worse shape than this. I use to play live shows this way, can you believe that? He didn’t seem convinced. Moz was always a worrier. He kept telling me it would be best if I slept on his couch. That I might regret being here and I’d be cross with him. I told him I knew what he wanted. That we should just let it happen. Tonight we would have each other the way it should’ve been done ages ago.  
I didn’t want to hear his insistent whining again and I captured his lips. For someone who barely went on five dates in his entire lifetime, he was an excellent kisser. I plunged my tongue into his mouth to see what he would do. His moaning kept me going. I was at this point clawing at his clothes. I knew he had to have been by now as hard as I was.  
Before things would get anymore wild, I asked if we could go to his bedroom. I figured he would be much more at peace there than he would here. To see his smile and accepting his fate was a turn on within itself. I got him to lie down on his bed and asked him to relax. It was all I needed of him so I could kiss him again and again.  
He was starting to become braver with me. I felt his soft, cold hands move up and down my back. He started to caress my chest and I knew one thing at that moment: we had to get our trousers off. I bet he was suffocating in them just as much as I was. I let him take control of the situation so he could. To feel him caressing my cock through my briefs was an unbelievable feeling. I had to stop him though, as I wanted to be the giver tonight.  
I kissed down his chest, knowing where this would lead. I had never done anything like this before with another man. I knew however this surely could satisfy him. At first I had some issues taking him into my mouth. I wasn’t use to doing this. He angled me where it would be comfortable for the both of us. I started to build a rhythm between us, tasting the nectar of his pre come. The moans he made were making me so hard. He tasted so wonderful and I only stopped because he asked me to. He was afraid he would come if I continued. I kissed him once more and asked him what he would like us to do, as we stroked each other’s hardness. I asked him if he wouldn’t mind me being inside him. He said he wouldn’t mind but he was frightened as he hadn’t done it before. I reassured him I would do my best, despite my lack of knowledge with this as well.  
Once I found the lube, I entered my fingers in. How tight he was and how badly he wanted to be fucked. The more fingers curled inside of him, the more unholy noise that would come from me. After about three, I knew this had to be torture for him. He truly did want me inside him and was begging for it.  
I quickly found a condom and spread his legs out. He told me that I wouldn’t have to do this if I didn’t want to. I rolled my eyes, as he knew I never did anything halfassed. I told him to shut up as I entered him. We both gasped and I felt his tightness and heat. I began to thrust and kiss him as I was doing so. The kiss was lazy in comparison to the rest of what was going on. We babbled each others names until we both came around the same time.  
I collapsed next to him, sweating and panting as much as he was. It was a long while before we said a word to each other. I felt truly fucked. I’m sure he did too. I slept with him in my arms knowing I would have to leave tomorrow and not have this again. I was conflicted, but I knew I had family and obligations.  
I didn’t have the heart to leave a note or word with him. I could only imagine his anger and despair. All these years later, I still ponder over the things said and done that night. He knows that despite everything, I still love him deeply. Whether he will ever find the peace we desperately sought in me that night, I’ll never know.


End file.
